Well, yet again, it has been a while since my last post. A brief update on Claire: 20 1bs (92%), 26.5 in (32%), no teeth (god please let them come through soon!!), and she is very mobile--crawling is just around the corner. She is SO talkative, she says Mama and Dada A LOT. She is very in love with our dog Chanel, anything food related and bouncing in her bouncer. I am more ecstatic than ever for summer to come when we can play in water and dig up dirt and just have a fantastic time playing together as she learns and grows:)
My post today is about Mommy-hood and weight loss. I am going to lay everything out there, in writing, and face this anxiety that I have struggled with all of my life. I can remember as a YOUNG child, in elementary school, thinking I was fat. I needed help buttoning a shirt in a bathroom and I was embarassed because all I could think about was how this girl helping me will see my fat belly. Its sad to me that a first grader---7 years old----had to feel this way. Maybe its in relation to the rough childhood I endured, but its something that has stuck with me to this day.
I have always been overweight. I have never felt AMAZING in any clothing I wore, even my wedding dress. Not once did I feel comfortable in a bathing suit, let alone a bikini. Looking in the mirror I see my huge hideous hips and the inner tube of belly that surrounds them. Legs are ok except the extra fat that lingers on the inside of my thighs. My cheeks are too chubby and my arms are too flabby and the list could go on. Just go on a diet and exercise you say? Well been there, done that numerous times over and over without success. In fact, I think I ended up larger each time I tried loosing it! That is until now.
Before getting pregnant with my daughter I was 200 pounds. At only 5 foot 4 inches, that is most definitely obese. The year before getting pregnant I was diagnosed with PCOS, which is responsible for some of the extra weight (its well known to be difficult to lose weight when you have PCOS unless you are properly medicated). Well, I finaly got the proper dosage of Metformin, which controls and regulates my insulin. I started losing a little bit of weight, maybe 5 pounds, but the same month my medication was changed was the month I got pregnant. I only gained 25 pounds while pregnant, which was great to me. But each month I gained more, reminding me that I needed to change something as soon as my child was born.
Claire came, and I left the hospital at 225 pounds. It made me sick to my stomach to know how big I was. However, I was motivated more than ever. Probably sooner than recommended, I started following Weight Watchers. They give extra Points for those who breastfeed, which was perfect for the current situation I was in. I also started running. Never in my life was I ever able to run even a minute! I always aspired to, but never did and could never find the right program to help me. Then I discovered Couch to 5k program, which literally got me off the couch and into my first 5k in August of 2011. Just 3 months after my daughter was born. It has been the kick I needed to keep me going, and keep my motivation up. I now aspire to run in Crazy Legs 8k in Madison on April 28. I also will be doing a Triathlon in August, a 3 mile run, half mile swim and 12.4 mile bike! These goals have kept me eating right and staying active. So far I have lost 48 pounds, putting me at 177. I really want to get down to 140-145, so I have about 38 pounds left to go. December and January have been rough months losing weight, but I know I can do this. I think writing it out and talking about it with others gives me the confidence and encouragement I need. I think it will take a lot of time to finally feel better about my body, a demon I think most women face. However, portraying a healthy, fit and active image to my daugther is far more important to me than anything else.
I do everything for her, she is my biggest motivater and proudest accomplishment in life. Claire means the world to me, and I hope I can prevent her having such terrible body issues that I did as a young child. I want her to be confident in herself, and worry more about what color she is going to paint a picture vs what shirt she wears to look thin.
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