Well, this week Claire turned 7 months. Seven whole SHORT months. I can't even believe how fast this time has gone. Pregnancy seemed like it was lasting forever while I highly anticipated her arrival, dreaming of what she would look like and act like and how I would do as a mom. However, May 17 came rapidly as did Claire. Now, 7 months later, I have a beautiful little girl bouncing in her jumparoo in front of me!
She has basically out-grown a lot of her baby and newborn toys, clothes and etc. I have been breaking them down and cleaning them to get them ready for storage. While doing so, I cant help but reminisce about my all of a sudden "big girl." She was so tiny when we first brought her home! She barely fit into any of her clothes, she seemed to be swallowed up by her swing, and she could easily lay against the length of my forearm. I specifically remember nursing her in my rocking chair when she was just a couple weeks old and I thought to myself that I hoped I was holding her enough--I wanted to make sure I was soaking up every opportunity to cherish these short ages. I knew that her newborn phase would quickly fade, and I LOVED that she solely relied on me for everything. When I took her in for her 2 week check up and they told me she was almost 9 pounds I was actually sad! I was so proud that she was healthy and gaining weight perfectly (since I was exclusively breastfeeding), but I was so sad that my little girl would never be the 6 pounds 15 oz she came out as!
Its exciting to watch her learn and grown. She is fully capable of sitting up unassisted. Even if she falls forward, she has mastered pulling herself back up. Interaction with animated toys and stuffed animals is so entertaining to watch. She LOVES music, in fact, she is pretty much mesmerized whenever music fills her little ears! I love now that she really can SHOW that she wants me. Like if I leave a room she whines until she can see me, or when I walk away she follows me with her head and eyes. Its very endearing at this point, however I am sure that is something that may become stressful at some point. She puts herself to sleep every night! Something I greatly appreciate, especially when i hear of moms that have little ones who still wake up every hour.
But now, as the swing, playmat and bouncy chair gets put away, out comes her walker and put together toys. Its sad to watch my infant phase go away, but so amazing to watch her enter into what soon will be toddler-hood. I anticipate her first words, but miss her little baby coos. Maybe I am being overdramatic about her growing up, after all she still very much is a baby, but its so hard!!!
Parenting is SO bitter-sweet.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
The Perfect Housewife.
The "Perfect Housewife." What does that even mean? Mentally, I picture a woman waking up at 6 am to make a full breakfast for her entire family. Wearing a crisp dress and perfectly laid apron with a baby on her hip. Gracefully she cleans all day and prepares a 3 course meal for dinner so its waiting when the husband gets home. She finally gets her 2.5 children to sleep, sits down to hem her husbands pants and finally goes to sleep just to wake up to do it all again.
Well guess what? I am NOTHING like that. I like to have a tidy house that is clean, but by no means is it completely clutter free and organized. Sometimes I get super motivated to have everything organized so perfectly in bins marked with white labels and sharpies, but thats not my personality. Even if I attempt, my habits always kick in and now I have a husband and daughter to distract from those goals. I figure though, that if I spend my life cleaning and being OCD about my house, I will miss out on so much. I wont just sit and hold my daughter, or spend hours reading to her and teaching her how to stand on her own. To me, thats most important. Humans are so imperfect and really not capable to do everything. Somethings got to give, and for me it seems like its my house that suffers.
One thing about my "perfect housewife" image I would like to attain to is always having dinner made. I seem to go in spurts making dinner. One week I will make 4 out of 5 of our meals, the next we will go out every night. I actually HATE that. Right now, I am trying so hard to lose weight. After Claire was born, I needed to lose 80-85 pounds. So far I have lost 50 pounds doing Weight Watchers and exercising roughly 3 times a week. Trying to come up with healthy meals is HARD. I dont like to make anything too extensive, and my husband is the pickiest eater I have ever seen. Its not that I cant cook, because I can. I know how to follow a recipe, I understand different techniques. By no means am I a high-class Chef, but I can cook.
There is one mom I know that I used to work with that is always posting pictures of the amazing meals she makes for her family. She is SOOO creative and everything always looks so delicious. Even the lunches she puts together for her kids seem so fun and yet still healthy. Ultimately, Claire is my motivation. I want her to grow up eating healthy food and living a healthy life---but it has to start with me. She has to see good habits and be part of good habits her entire childhood in order to continue with them as an adult. I did not grow up in a healthy family. I vividly remember my step-mom eating mint chip ice cream out of the BUCKET. With each bite she would submerge the ice cream with chocolate sauce...SO REPULSIVE. Definitely NOT the image I want my daughter to remember.
So tonight, I am off to look up billions of recipes and keep them for my up coming meals. I am not one to make a new years resolution, but maybe becoming a version of a perfect housewife is one I should consider..
Well guess what? I am NOTHING like that. I like to have a tidy house that is clean, but by no means is it completely clutter free and organized. Sometimes I get super motivated to have everything organized so perfectly in bins marked with white labels and sharpies, but thats not my personality. Even if I attempt, my habits always kick in and now I have a husband and daughter to distract from those goals. I figure though, that if I spend my life cleaning and being OCD about my house, I will miss out on so much. I wont just sit and hold my daughter, or spend hours reading to her and teaching her how to stand on her own. To me, thats most important. Humans are so imperfect and really not capable to do everything. Somethings got to give, and for me it seems like its my house that suffers.
One thing about my "perfect housewife" image I would like to attain to is always having dinner made. I seem to go in spurts making dinner. One week I will make 4 out of 5 of our meals, the next we will go out every night. I actually HATE that. Right now, I am trying so hard to lose weight. After Claire was born, I needed to lose 80-85 pounds. So far I have lost 50 pounds doing Weight Watchers and exercising roughly 3 times a week. Trying to come up with healthy meals is HARD. I dont like to make anything too extensive, and my husband is the pickiest eater I have ever seen. Its not that I cant cook, because I can. I know how to follow a recipe, I understand different techniques. By no means am I a high-class Chef, but I can cook.
There is one mom I know that I used to work with that is always posting pictures of the amazing meals she makes for her family. She is SOOO creative and everything always looks so delicious. Even the lunches she puts together for her kids seem so fun and yet still healthy. Ultimately, Claire is my motivation. I want her to grow up eating healthy food and living a healthy life---but it has to start with me. She has to see good habits and be part of good habits her entire childhood in order to continue with them as an adult. I did not grow up in a healthy family. I vividly remember my step-mom eating mint chip ice cream out of the BUCKET. With each bite she would submerge the ice cream with chocolate sauce...SO REPULSIVE. Definitely NOT the image I want my daughter to remember.
So tonight, I am off to look up billions of recipes and keep them for my up coming meals. I am not one to make a new years resolution, but maybe becoming a version of a perfect housewife is one I should consider..
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Birth Pics (pg rated he he)
After the post about my birth, I thought I should add some pics. I had the whole delivery photographed and they are actually my most favorite pictures to look at. It was an amazing experience and beautiful process. Quite frankly, I think every mom should have it photographed. I regret not filming it. Next time I think I will!!
This is right after my water broke.
My two girls who were amazing support!!
Such a beautiful moment, right when they put her on my chest!
So exhausted, but just relishing in the fact my daughter is here!!!
Daddy and baby girls hand:) She is winking at us hehe
Daddy cutting umbilical cord!
Proud Dad!!
Happy Family of 3!
First time breastfeeding!
This is right after my water broke.
Doctors Office, MOMS BEST FRIEND
Ugh. I basically can't function during the winter months. The grayness and cold make me so tired. All I really want to do is lay around in sweats and cuddle with Claire and watch TV. HA I suppose that is not real life.
Lets talk shots. Now, for every mom, this has to be a personal decision. So many people are against all vaccinations, others are for them, and sadly some dont care enough to have an opinion. I guess I am one of the moms that sees the benefits in them. Its hard seeing my daughter get so tired and fussy and just plain not feel good. However, it would be worse to see her in the hospital at a young age fighting a terrible disease. So, I put my big girl panties on and have her vaccinated. I do, though, space out her shots so its not so many at once.
Today, I had an appointment with her doctor to get an area on her little rump checked up and get caught up with her remaining 4 month shots (we are about 3 months behind with shots). Anyways, the sores on her butt are really weird and they haven't come to a conclusion on what they are. I cloth diaper, and naturally, they kind of leave lines or skin more pink (more so than disposables it seems). Well, last Friday she had these 2 little pimple looking spots that turned into open sores. I tried using an organic herbal ointment to help, but it just dried out her skin soo much.
It worries me because obviously, her butt is not a totally clean area always. Also, her cousin has had similar sores on his face that was diagnosed as infintago (sp?). I dont really think his sores and Claires are the same or related, it just is worrysome. So, I took her to the doctor who gave a perscription for an antibiotic topical ointment. He said the worry with it right now is the possibility of devoloping staph infection! EEEEEEKKKKK SO glad I took her in!
I also just made a homemade laundry detergent that is safe for cloth diapers, also made with all natural products. Potentially this could have caused the sores, but I use it for all her clothes too. So wouldnt she get sores in other areas as well? I have no idea. Until it clears up I have to use disposables with this cream. I hope it goes away, I feel bad for her little bum!!!
Lets talk shots. Now, for every mom, this has to be a personal decision. So many people are against all vaccinations, others are for them, and sadly some dont care enough to have an opinion. I guess I am one of the moms that sees the benefits in them. Its hard seeing my daughter get so tired and fussy and just plain not feel good. However, it would be worse to see her in the hospital at a young age fighting a terrible disease. So, I put my big girl panties on and have her vaccinated. I do, though, space out her shots so its not so many at once.
Today, I had an appointment with her doctor to get an area on her little rump checked up and get caught up with her remaining 4 month shots (we are about 3 months behind with shots). Anyways, the sores on her butt are really weird and they haven't come to a conclusion on what they are. I cloth diaper, and naturally, they kind of leave lines or skin more pink (more so than disposables it seems). Well, last Friday she had these 2 little pimple looking spots that turned into open sores. I tried using an organic herbal ointment to help, but it just dried out her skin soo much.
It worries me because obviously, her butt is not a totally clean area always. Also, her cousin has had similar sores on his face that was diagnosed as infintago (sp?). I dont really think his sores and Claires are the same or related, it just is worrysome. So, I took her to the doctor who gave a perscription for an antibiotic topical ointment. He said the worry with it right now is the possibility of devoloping staph infection! EEEEEEKKKKK SO glad I took her in!
I also just made a homemade laundry detergent that is safe for cloth diapers, also made with all natural products. Potentially this could have caused the sores, but I use it for all her clothes too. So wouldnt she get sores in other areas as well? I have no idea. Until it clears up I have to use disposables with this cream. I hope it goes away, I feel bad for her little bum!!!
Monday, December 5, 2011
My Birth
I realized that I never really got to write down my birth story for others to see. It was such a pleasant experience and my proudest accomplishment. Here it goes...
On May 8, in the evening, I started getting contractions every 5 minutes. Now I was told, in my birthing class and by my doctors and nurses, that once contractions reach the point where they are 5 min apart regulary for over an hour it was time to call the hospital and most likely go in. I would like to state that I feel they should tell first time moms more specifics on this. Anyways, the contractions continued all night long. They progressively got stronger, but never unbearable. After a few phone calls to my hospitals L&D unit, they suggested I come in and get checked. I must note that at this point I was JUST 36 weeks.
So, I got to triage. They talked to me about my contractions, hooked me up to the monitor and etc. After watching the consistent contractions, they decided to check me. I was at 3 cm dilated and 90% effaced. The nurses were all shocked to see numbers like that for a first time mom. In fact, one nurse said to me that I was going to have my baby THAT NIGHT. She suggested I go home, rest while contractions were "easy" and come back when they were unbearable or my water broke.
So I called a few important people excitedly to let them all know my little girl was arriving TONIGHT. I was ecstatic. I took the nurses directions, went home rested and kept in mind my contractions. Hours passed. Contractions stopped. I was devastated. How could the nurse tell me that my baby was coming tonight, but the contractions stopped?? The next day I had an appointment with my Dr. He checked me again and saw that I was still at 3 cm, membranes still in-tact. He also told me that this baby was coming, if not tonight, this week for sure. He said that most first-time-moms dont walk around 3 cm dilated for long.
A couple days passed, and soon came Thursday evening. Contractions started again, every 5 min. They were most definitely worse than monday's contractions, but I was still handling them just fine. At this point, it was the end of the week, i continuously was having contractions off and on all week. Each night they kept me up and was causing me to lose sleep. I was exhausted come Friday morning. After talking with triage nurses, they asked me to come in again. I was still only 3 cm dilated. Nothing changed. Except my exhaustion was unbearable. I was at the hospital for a few hours while they monitored everything to make sure baby was doing good and that there was no change in cervix. They then sent me home with a RX of ambien, 5mg, to help me sleep. They said YET AGAIN that the baby was coming very soon and I needed my rest.
By Monday I was so fed up. I get that at this point I was still only 37 weeks, but why did they keep saying I was going to see my baby? They should know better than to tell a pregnant woman that. I went to my scheduled Dr. appointment, we decided not to check my cervix. At this point did it even matter? Who cares how dilated I was, she wasnt coming. For all I knew, she could come 2 weeks late and I would still have 5 weeks to go. I was in a very negative mood. My Dr. tried to be very positive and said that she was coming soon, to keep my chin up. I basically rolled my eyes and left the office. That day proceeded normally, I took a nap and had a very lazy day.
That Monday night, May 16 my husband and I laid in bed talking about everything. Becoming new parents, our thoughts and fears of labor/delivery, what was she gonna look like? Was I going to be able to have my all-natural birth that I dreamed of? Soon it was the early morning hours of May 17, and we decided we should try and fall asleep. Well, then I felt a weird POP in my belly. It wasnt the baby kicking, it felt different. My husband heard the pop, and I said out loud "that was weird." Josh asked me if my water just broke and I replied that no fluid was coming out so I didnt think so. Well about a minute after that, I had a very STRONG contraction. Stronger than any contraction I had ever had. In my head I started thinking that maybe my water did break, but because I was laying down no fluid was coming out. So I got up, and felt a little trickle down my leg. I knew it was time. I went into the bathroom and thats when the GUSH came.
So excited I yelled out to my husband, who had quickly fallen asleep, and he came running in. I told him my water broke and his face lit up. He asked me if this meant we were having a baby, if when we go to the hospital, we won't come home without her. When I replied yes, he gave me the most amazingly proud, happy, excited, thrilled smile I have ever seen. We grabbed our bags and drove the 4 blocks to the hospital.
The nurse checked me and saw that I was now at 4 cm. I was having strong contractions, but they were not super close together. They moved me to my room and I started walking around to get the contractions moving. Within an hour, they were very intense and coming every 2 min. In between contractions I had the worst pressure in my back. So I decided to hop in the shower. I pretty much spent my entire labor in the shower. The warmth on my back was so soothing. When a contraction would come, I would have my husband apply pressure to my lower back which was incredibly helpful. A few times I would get out of the shower and lay in the bed, but it just hurt so much to lay flat. I am pretty sure at one point, I laid face first into pillows and my ginormous naked butt up in the air. I didnt give a crap because I was in so much pain.
A few hours after arriving at the hospital, the nurse decided to check me. I was at 5 cm. That was it. I felt like I had been laboring for forever. I had already vomitted twice and was sure I was hitting transition. But nope, just 5 cm. She then decided to check me DURING a contraction and thats when I lost it. I balled my fool head off. That was the FIRST and ONLY time I cried during labor. It hurt so bad to be checked, I wanted to kick her in the face. In fact, I dont know how I didnt kick her in the face. Hearing I was only 5 cm was so depressing. I was in so much pain, I wasnt sure I could go on without medicine. I think if someone offered it to me, I may have went ahead with it. But I had amazing support, and they were confident I could do this. They knew its what I wanted, so instead of offering meds, they offered me words of encouragement. Those words are what kept me positive. A
A few more hours passed, it may have been nearly 7 or 8 am at this point. My Dr had finally arrived. Good old Dr. Dunn. I was so thankful he was willing to come in no matter what to deliver my baby. It was only weeks after Claires birth that I found out that not only was it his day off, but it was his Birthday! Well Dr Dunn came in and he said he wanted to check me. I said no, I pleaded him not to. It hurt so bad last time, I didnt want anyone to touch me. He said it was necessary, and everyone convinced me to let him, so I did. Guess how far I was? 5-6 whole freaking cm. THAT WAS IT. I was so devastated. I thought I was sad before that I was only 5 cm, but no. Now I was so depressed and mad and sad and exhausted. And in pain. Tremendous pain. We all know labor will hurt, but its a hurt no one can fully describe. Its a pain beyond tears. A pain that one will only experience when giving birth, only a mother can relate. Dr. Dunn, seeing my glum face, looked at me and said, "Sara, you still have options left for pain relief. But you dont need it. You are doing great, you can do this. Keep breathing and doing what you are doing." That was probably the best thing he could have said to me at that moment. He knew my goals of a natural birth and was totally supportive, I can never thank him enough for that. His encouragement kept me going. If he would have suggested an epidural, I am not sure I would have said no. But his interests were on my goals and I so appreciate that.
Another hour or two passed, contractions raging at this point. Dr. Dunn came in and checked me. I didnt know where I was dilation wise, he never said. Come to find out later that my amazing support team (Josh, Denise, Jess) suggested he not tell me so I dont feel defeat. Another sweet thing they did, bc yet again, I was still only at 5-6 cm. It must have been around 9:30 am at this point (not sure exact time) bc things started progressing rapidly. Contractions were coming and not stopping. They were continuous. I was laying in the bed, feeling paralyzed by pain, my back was raging with pressure. I was trying so hard to focus on my breathing, but it was so hard. Josh was holding my hand breathing with me, it was his face that helped keep me calm. I felt sick again to my stomach and started throwing up. Since that was the second time I had vommited, the Dr. had the nurses hook me up to some IV fluids. A newer nurse tried inserting the IV and in the process, blew my veins 3 times. At that point, I really didnt even care. Dr Dunn came in, checked me again and finally there was progress. I had made it to 8 cm in 30 minutes of his last checking. He left and with in seconds I felt the urge to push. What an uncontrolable feeling. The nurses told me I couldnt push and all I could think was how can I not?? Dr. Dunn rushed backed in, mind you this is literally just minutes after he just checked me.
I was now at 9, nearly 10 cm. There was just a "lip" left that had to move out of the way. In my head, I started freaking out. I had to push so bad, but the nurses begged me not to bc it will cause too much pressure on the baby. I felt so out of control. I looked at my Dr and yelled out to him--YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. He looked at me with such a calm face and said Sara, its you and your baby. Its happening all on its own, I cant quite do anything now. His calm voice helped me get my head in order and re-gain control. This all was happening within minutes, but it felt like a lifetime. The nurses had my legs propped up, baby station ready, lights bright that came out of the ceiling. They were ready. My Dr looked at me and said its time to push. He started giving me instructions, but I didnt need any. My body took over, and that is the main reason I chose not to have any medicine. Birth is such a natural, instinctual aspect of life and I wanted to experience that. My husband held my hand as he formed tears in his eyes, promising me our girl was coming soon. Denise (one of my support team members) was counting to 10 as I pushed as hard and as long as could.
Mean while, my Dr. is sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in his hand, because as he already mentioned to my husband, first-time-moms usually push for up to 3 hours. Well, I proved him wrong. With every push I felt her come down. I felt her head as it was about to appear into the world for the first time. My crotch was on fire after 3 pushes and her head was about to be out. The nurse yelled to the Dr that her head was almost out and he flew out of his chair threw gloves on and literally grasped her head right as I pushed it out as if he was catching her. I have a picture of this moment and it cracks me up bc you can see her head is out as he finishes putting on his gloves. A few more pushes and Claire Elizabeth arrives on my chest. Crying like an angel, smelling like heaven. I only had to push 6 or 7 times for 20 minutes to meet my beautiful daughter. I just held her for the longest time, kissing her head and telling everyone in the room that I did it. My baby was hear and I did it. I gave birth all natural, for 10 hours long and FINALLY, I reaped the reward.
They let me hold her for the longest time, and then had Josh cut the umbilical cord. I started feeling really dizzy and they took her from me to weigh and measure her etc. She was 6 pounds 15 oz 19.5 inches long. As they wrapped her up they started stitching me up. It was great she came out fast, but I paid for it. I tore internally. It was only a 2nd degree tear, however I tore on the inside all the way back to my cervix. It took them a long time to figure this out because there was so much blood. So much blood. I dont accept blood transfusions so these moments were scary. More nurses rushed in, pumping me full of fluids to make up for loss of blood volume. They gave me a suppository as they pressed on my stomach, thinking my uterus wasnt contracting--hence all the blood. When finally he was able to see the tear. That whole process took nearly an hour to find, clean and stitch up. For weeks after delivery I was so swollen from all the fluid, and could only stand for a few seconds at a time without nearly passing out.
Claire is everything and more that I dreamed her to be. Despite the tear, my whold laboring and birth process was exactly what I wanted. It was hard, painful, emotional and everything in between. But Claire makes every second worth it, and I would do it all again. Going through pregnancy and labor made me realize that I am capable of doing anything I want to. If I set my mind to it, it can happen. My amazing Doctor and incredible support team were key ingredients in natural birth success. I hope that one day, I can help someone like they all helped me.
On May 8, in the evening, I started getting contractions every 5 minutes. Now I was told, in my birthing class and by my doctors and nurses, that once contractions reach the point where they are 5 min apart regulary for over an hour it was time to call the hospital and most likely go in. I would like to state that I feel they should tell first time moms more specifics on this. Anyways, the contractions continued all night long. They progressively got stronger, but never unbearable. After a few phone calls to my hospitals L&D unit, they suggested I come in and get checked. I must note that at this point I was JUST 36 weeks.
So, I got to triage. They talked to me about my contractions, hooked me up to the monitor and etc. After watching the consistent contractions, they decided to check me. I was at 3 cm dilated and 90% effaced. The nurses were all shocked to see numbers like that for a first time mom. In fact, one nurse said to me that I was going to have my baby THAT NIGHT. She suggested I go home, rest while contractions were "easy" and come back when they were unbearable or my water broke.
So I called a few important people excitedly to let them all know my little girl was arriving TONIGHT. I was ecstatic. I took the nurses directions, went home rested and kept in mind my contractions. Hours passed. Contractions stopped. I was devastated. How could the nurse tell me that my baby was coming tonight, but the contractions stopped?? The next day I had an appointment with my Dr. He checked me again and saw that I was still at 3 cm, membranes still in-tact. He also told me that this baby was coming, if not tonight, this week for sure. He said that most first-time-moms dont walk around 3 cm dilated for long.
A couple days passed, and soon came Thursday evening. Contractions started again, every 5 min. They were most definitely worse than monday's contractions, but I was still handling them just fine. At this point, it was the end of the week, i continuously was having contractions off and on all week. Each night they kept me up and was causing me to lose sleep. I was exhausted come Friday morning. After talking with triage nurses, they asked me to come in again. I was still only 3 cm dilated. Nothing changed. Except my exhaustion was unbearable. I was at the hospital for a few hours while they monitored everything to make sure baby was doing good and that there was no change in cervix. They then sent me home with a RX of ambien, 5mg, to help me sleep. They said YET AGAIN that the baby was coming very soon and I needed my rest.
By Monday I was so fed up. I get that at this point I was still only 37 weeks, but why did they keep saying I was going to see my baby? They should know better than to tell a pregnant woman that. I went to my scheduled Dr. appointment, we decided not to check my cervix. At this point did it even matter? Who cares how dilated I was, she wasnt coming. For all I knew, she could come 2 weeks late and I would still have 5 weeks to go. I was in a very negative mood. My Dr. tried to be very positive and said that she was coming soon, to keep my chin up. I basically rolled my eyes and left the office. That day proceeded normally, I took a nap and had a very lazy day.
That Monday night, May 16 my husband and I laid in bed talking about everything. Becoming new parents, our thoughts and fears of labor/delivery, what was she gonna look like? Was I going to be able to have my all-natural birth that I dreamed of? Soon it was the early morning hours of May 17, and we decided we should try and fall asleep. Well, then I felt a weird POP in my belly. It wasnt the baby kicking, it felt different. My husband heard the pop, and I said out loud "that was weird." Josh asked me if my water just broke and I replied that no fluid was coming out so I didnt think so. Well about a minute after that, I had a very STRONG contraction. Stronger than any contraction I had ever had. In my head I started thinking that maybe my water did break, but because I was laying down no fluid was coming out. So I got up, and felt a little trickle down my leg. I knew it was time. I went into the bathroom and thats when the GUSH came.
So excited I yelled out to my husband, who had quickly fallen asleep, and he came running in. I told him my water broke and his face lit up. He asked me if this meant we were having a baby, if when we go to the hospital, we won't come home without her. When I replied yes, he gave me the most amazingly proud, happy, excited, thrilled smile I have ever seen. We grabbed our bags and drove the 4 blocks to the hospital.
The nurse checked me and saw that I was now at 4 cm. I was having strong contractions, but they were not super close together. They moved me to my room and I started walking around to get the contractions moving. Within an hour, they were very intense and coming every 2 min. In between contractions I had the worst pressure in my back. So I decided to hop in the shower. I pretty much spent my entire labor in the shower. The warmth on my back was so soothing. When a contraction would come, I would have my husband apply pressure to my lower back which was incredibly helpful. A few times I would get out of the shower and lay in the bed, but it just hurt so much to lay flat. I am pretty sure at one point, I laid face first into pillows and my ginormous naked butt up in the air. I didnt give a crap because I was in so much pain.
A few hours after arriving at the hospital, the nurse decided to check me. I was at 5 cm. That was it. I felt like I had been laboring for forever. I had already vomitted twice and was sure I was hitting transition. But nope, just 5 cm. She then decided to check me DURING a contraction and thats when I lost it. I balled my fool head off. That was the FIRST and ONLY time I cried during labor. It hurt so bad to be checked, I wanted to kick her in the face. In fact, I dont know how I didnt kick her in the face. Hearing I was only 5 cm was so depressing. I was in so much pain, I wasnt sure I could go on without medicine. I think if someone offered it to me, I may have went ahead with it. But I had amazing support, and they were confident I could do this. They knew its what I wanted, so instead of offering meds, they offered me words of encouragement. Those words are what kept me positive. A
A few more hours passed, it may have been nearly 7 or 8 am at this point. My Dr had finally arrived. Good old Dr. Dunn. I was so thankful he was willing to come in no matter what to deliver my baby. It was only weeks after Claires birth that I found out that not only was it his day off, but it was his Birthday! Well Dr Dunn came in and he said he wanted to check me. I said no, I pleaded him not to. It hurt so bad last time, I didnt want anyone to touch me. He said it was necessary, and everyone convinced me to let him, so I did. Guess how far I was? 5-6 whole freaking cm. THAT WAS IT. I was so devastated. I thought I was sad before that I was only 5 cm, but no. Now I was so depressed and mad and sad and exhausted. And in pain. Tremendous pain. We all know labor will hurt, but its a hurt no one can fully describe. Its a pain beyond tears. A pain that one will only experience when giving birth, only a mother can relate. Dr. Dunn, seeing my glum face, looked at me and said, "Sara, you still have options left for pain relief. But you dont need it. You are doing great, you can do this. Keep breathing and doing what you are doing." That was probably the best thing he could have said to me at that moment. He knew my goals of a natural birth and was totally supportive, I can never thank him enough for that. His encouragement kept me going. If he would have suggested an epidural, I am not sure I would have said no. But his interests were on my goals and I so appreciate that.
Another hour or two passed, contractions raging at this point. Dr. Dunn came in and checked me. I didnt know where I was dilation wise, he never said. Come to find out later that my amazing support team (Josh, Denise, Jess) suggested he not tell me so I dont feel defeat. Another sweet thing they did, bc yet again, I was still only at 5-6 cm. It must have been around 9:30 am at this point (not sure exact time) bc things started progressing rapidly. Contractions were coming and not stopping. They were continuous. I was laying in the bed, feeling paralyzed by pain, my back was raging with pressure. I was trying so hard to focus on my breathing, but it was so hard. Josh was holding my hand breathing with me, it was his face that helped keep me calm. I felt sick again to my stomach and started throwing up. Since that was the second time I had vommited, the Dr. had the nurses hook me up to some IV fluids. A newer nurse tried inserting the IV and in the process, blew my veins 3 times. At that point, I really didnt even care. Dr Dunn came in, checked me again and finally there was progress. I had made it to 8 cm in 30 minutes of his last checking. He left and with in seconds I felt the urge to push. What an uncontrolable feeling. The nurses told me I couldnt push and all I could think was how can I not?? Dr. Dunn rushed backed in, mind you this is literally just minutes after he just checked me.
I was now at 9, nearly 10 cm. There was just a "lip" left that had to move out of the way. In my head, I started freaking out. I had to push so bad, but the nurses begged me not to bc it will cause too much pressure on the baby. I felt so out of control. I looked at my Dr and yelled out to him--YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. He looked at me with such a calm face and said Sara, its you and your baby. Its happening all on its own, I cant quite do anything now. His calm voice helped me get my head in order and re-gain control. This all was happening within minutes, but it felt like a lifetime. The nurses had my legs propped up, baby station ready, lights bright that came out of the ceiling. They were ready. My Dr looked at me and said its time to push. He started giving me instructions, but I didnt need any. My body took over, and that is the main reason I chose not to have any medicine. Birth is such a natural, instinctual aspect of life and I wanted to experience that. My husband held my hand as he formed tears in his eyes, promising me our girl was coming soon. Denise (one of my support team members) was counting to 10 as I pushed as hard and as long as could.
Mean while, my Dr. is sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in his hand, because as he already mentioned to my husband, first-time-moms usually push for up to 3 hours. Well, I proved him wrong. With every push I felt her come down. I felt her head as it was about to appear into the world for the first time. My crotch was on fire after 3 pushes and her head was about to be out. The nurse yelled to the Dr that her head was almost out and he flew out of his chair threw gloves on and literally grasped her head right as I pushed it out as if he was catching her. I have a picture of this moment and it cracks me up bc you can see her head is out as he finishes putting on his gloves. A few more pushes and Claire Elizabeth arrives on my chest. Crying like an angel, smelling like heaven. I only had to push 6 or 7 times for 20 minutes to meet my beautiful daughter. I just held her for the longest time, kissing her head and telling everyone in the room that I did it. My baby was hear and I did it. I gave birth all natural, for 10 hours long and FINALLY, I reaped the reward.
They let me hold her for the longest time, and then had Josh cut the umbilical cord. I started feeling really dizzy and they took her from me to weigh and measure her etc. She was 6 pounds 15 oz 19.5 inches long. As they wrapped her up they started stitching me up. It was great she came out fast, but I paid for it. I tore internally. It was only a 2nd degree tear, however I tore on the inside all the way back to my cervix. It took them a long time to figure this out because there was so much blood. So much blood. I dont accept blood transfusions so these moments were scary. More nurses rushed in, pumping me full of fluids to make up for loss of blood volume. They gave me a suppository as they pressed on my stomach, thinking my uterus wasnt contracting--hence all the blood. When finally he was able to see the tear. That whole process took nearly an hour to find, clean and stitch up. For weeks after delivery I was so swollen from all the fluid, and could only stand for a few seconds at a time without nearly passing out.
Claire is everything and more that I dreamed her to be. Despite the tear, my whold laboring and birth process was exactly what I wanted. It was hard, painful, emotional and everything in between. But Claire makes every second worth it, and I would do it all again. Going through pregnancy and labor made me realize that I am capable of doing anything I want to. If I set my mind to it, it can happen. My amazing Doctor and incredible support team were key ingredients in natural birth success. I hope that one day, I can help someone like they all helped me.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Funny Little Things.
Well my sister-in-law is pregnant with her third little bambino. Technically 4th since she suffered a miscarriage earlier in the year. Her youngest is 8 years old, so she really is starting over and its so exciting to be a part of it. (I was the first one she told hehehe) Talking babies with her has me thinking about my pregnancy, and I kind of laugh at the funny things I did and thought during that time.
I found out IMMEDIATELY I was pregnant. I have PCOS, with very irregular periods. So every 7 weeks, if my period didn't come on its own, I was to take a progesterone pill to make myself get it. So, I had to take a pregnancy test before I took the pill to be safe. Well, one Monday morning at 7:30 am, I took a test and was shocked to see that second line pop up!!! Since my periods were so irregular, I had NO clue how far I could even be, so the doctor had me come in to do an ultrasound. When I went in, the picture had me at 3 weeks pregnant. SO BARELY pregnant---HA. ANYWAYS, because I knew so early, and was choosing to wait until after the first trimester to tell friends, I remember thinking at 7 weeks that I was SOOO far along. I just kept thinking, I am beyond halfway done with the first tri! I was so impressed. Looking back--I have no clue why i thought that. I had 30 weeks to go! Over half a year left!!
Another funny thing I thought was at 18 weeks when my belly started rounding out, I thought i was HUGE. I thought I had such a big pregnant belly. Looking back, since I already had some what of a belly in general, no one would have known I was pregnant. I am such a spaz. Third, I was so afraid to put my cell phone in a coat pocket that would graze my belly. Don't you know that potentially, the phone omits radiation and can deform my baby??? I have no idea where I got that from either.
I had such an amazing, and uneventful pregnancy. I am so blessed to be so lucky. I had Claire 3 weeks early. I was huge and didn't have to suffer the dreadful, final 3 weeks! As a first time mom, and being naive to the whole experience, you cant help but think crazy things. You fear the worst, and hope for the best--every minute of every day for nearly 10 months. But I would do it again in a heartbeat!!!!
I found out IMMEDIATELY I was pregnant. I have PCOS, with very irregular periods. So every 7 weeks, if my period didn't come on its own, I was to take a progesterone pill to make myself get it. So, I had to take a pregnancy test before I took the pill to be safe. Well, one Monday morning at 7:30 am, I took a test and was shocked to see that second line pop up!!! Since my periods were so irregular, I had NO clue how far I could even be, so the doctor had me come in to do an ultrasound. When I went in, the picture had me at 3 weeks pregnant. SO BARELY pregnant---HA. ANYWAYS, because I knew so early, and was choosing to wait until after the first trimester to tell friends, I remember thinking at 7 weeks that I was SOOO far along. I just kept thinking, I am beyond halfway done with the first tri! I was so impressed. Looking back--I have no clue why i thought that. I had 30 weeks to go! Over half a year left!!
Another funny thing I thought was at 18 weeks when my belly started rounding out, I thought i was HUGE. I thought I had such a big pregnant belly. Looking back, since I already had some what of a belly in general, no one would have known I was pregnant. I am such a spaz. Third, I was so afraid to put my cell phone in a coat pocket that would graze my belly. Don't you know that potentially, the phone omits radiation and can deform my baby??? I have no idea where I got that from either.
I had such an amazing, and uneventful pregnancy. I am so blessed to be so lucky. I had Claire 3 weeks early. I was huge and didn't have to suffer the dreadful, final 3 weeks! As a first time mom, and being naive to the whole experience, you cant help but think crazy things. You fear the worst, and hope for the best--every minute of every day for nearly 10 months. But I would do it again in a heartbeat!!!!
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